Mermaid Pirate Dispatch

Disgusting, he thought to himself. The hospital was generally an excellent place to sit and watch for good people to defile. So many pure hearts, just looking to make the world a better place. But while it made a fantastic place to prowl for victims, it was a very uncomfortable place for a demon.

As he watched people mill about, helping each other, he decided he wanted a challenge. He’d been on the temptation circuit a long time and after a while the job started feeling a bit formulaic. Identify a weakness, exploit the weakness, relish in victory. He decided he wanted to push himself, leave his comfort zone, try to take down a saint.

It didn’t take long to find her. She was surrounded by children and almost seemed to glow. He shuddered. He hadn’t seen her there before, but he was positive she would be his next target.

He wasted no time. He got up, checked to make sure his human disguise was in good shape, and he waltzed up to her.

“Well don’t you look radiant,” he said, grinning. She smiled warmly but said nothing. She started walking away, the gaggle of children hovering around her like ducklings. “Wait,” he said. “I was hoping I might be able to take you out for drinks tonight.”

She turned around and raised her eyebrows at him. “And what if I don’t drink,” she challenged.

“Not a problem, we can just do hard drugs instead.” He cracked a smirk and she laughed.

“Sorry,” she said. “I’m not sure you’re my type.”

“I didn’t realize angels had a type,” he said, pretending to sulk.

Her eyes got wide and she peered at him for a long moment. “I’ll tell you what,” she said slowly. “Meet me back here after my shift in an hour and we can go for a walk.”

“Excellent,” he said, giving himself a high-five. She shook her head, laughing, and disappeared around the corner in a sea of tiny humans.

Ah, women love being called angels, he said to himself, feeling quite pleased. He wasn’t sure where he was going with her, but he hoped to get her into a bar, or perhaps just into bed. Anything he could do to reduce her self-worth and make her feel bad would ultimately open her up to greater and greater temptations.

He didn’t leave. He sat back in his prowling spot and watched for easier targets. There was a man who was already tired and stressed. All it took was a simple malfunction in the snack vending machine and the man threw an enraged fit, screaming obscenities and lashing out violently. A distraught married woman sat alone waiting to hear about her son’s surgery and accepted a phone number from a handsome stranger who said she was sexy. It was a surprisingly fruitful hour.

Finally the woman returned. Perhaps she really is glowing, he chuckled to himself. It was darker and he could have sworn there was an aura of light around her.

“Alright,” she announced. “Let’s go for a walk.” She led him out the front doors and they strolled around the paths that wound through the hospital campus. After a while she said, “so… how did you know?”

“How did I know what?” he asked, confused.

She peered at him again and smiled. “How did you know… that you wanted to talk to me?”

He looked at her. The truth was, he did find her attractive. His primary motive was certainly to corrupt and debase her, but he figured he could have a little fun along the way if she was attractive. “You’re hot as hell,” he said, smiling.

She snorted and clasped her hand to her face before bursting into laughter. Once she could breathe again she said, “thank you?” still chuckling. They walked in silence for only a moment before she leaned into him and hooked her arm around his. “You’re pretty hot too,” she said, smiling deviously.

He felt confused. This wasn’t at all what he had expected. Was that it? Was she all ready to hop into bed with him? Somehow she’d disarmed him, and he didn’t like it. “So, uh,” he began, searching for the words. “About those drinks…”

She chuckled. “Really, I don’t drink.”

“Well, maybe we can go back to my place and…”

She playfully slapped his chest. “Stop it!” she teased. “You really have no idea what I am?”

Something exploded in his brain. For a moment he thought he might be having a stroke. He felt lightheaded and got tunnel vision briefly. WHAT she is… he thought. He stopped walking and looked down into her eyes. She had blue eyes with hints of golden flecks. They shimmered like a beautiful mirage. Deep in her flesh she seemed to glow with the radiance of… His heart jumped. “You…” he started, but he couldn’t find the words.

She laughed. She didn’t stop laughing. She chortled and choked, coughed and cried. She bent over and guffawed until she looked as though she might actually die.

“Wait,” he said, still feeling confused. “So you knew? You knew what I was and you still agreed to walk with me?”

She was ready to fall over and roll around on the ground but she managed to stay on her feet. She was gasping for breaths but her chest couldn’t stop shaking. Tears streamed down her face and she held her tight, convulsing belly. She tried hard to calm herself, grabbing his arm to steady her stance. “I…” she began, but she started cracking up again and had to wait. Eventually, she said, “I really thought you knew. You even said…” She burst into belly laughter again, laughing loudly and burying her face in his chest as she wrapped her arms around him.

It felt… good. He couldn’t believe she was being so physical with him. If she really was… well, this whole situation was extremely unusual. Why was she still talking to him?

“I don’t understand,” he said, still feeling lost. “Why are you still here talking to me?”

She ignored the question and started wailing, “And you really thought you were going to tempt me?!” at the top of her lungs, falling on him and soaking his shirt in her tears.

She is literally going to die of laughter, he thought. But… it was funny. He had noted her glow. She really did seem like the least likely person to succumb to temptation in the whole building. And here they were talking, with her leaning into him crying her way to a death by absurdity.

He started to chuckle. He put an arm around her and laughed with her, then wrapped both arms around her and caught her infection. They laughed for a solid fifteen minutes without exchanging any words at all until at last, wiping tears from her face, she spoke again.

“Let’s get dinner,” she suggested.

He sighed, still trying to calm down. “Why?” he asked. “I still don’t understand.”

“Look,” she started. “I know how your kind works. You were being honest when you said I was attractive. You didn’t know who I was. It may be taboo, but I’ve always been a little on the naughty side with my curiosities. I want to get to know you. I want to talk. I want to laugh some more together and understand each other. You were looking to have a little fun with me. What could be more fun than flirting with the enemy, tempting each other’s fate?”

He stared at her, shocked. His mind raced with a million questions. Would they get in trouble? Could this possibly end well for either of them? Finally, he shrugged. “I’m already damned to hell,” he said. “What have I got to lose?”

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