I let the watery embrace drape over my body, a steamy cocoon of warmth enveloping me while I watched the drain suck everything into nothingness. My tears joined the streaming droplets down to the floor of the tub and mixed in with the crowd, destined to become just like the rest of it. Graywater. Neither bright and clean nor black and deadly, somewhere in between.
Bringing a hand into view I noted the deep wrinkles and the dullness of my nerve endings and decided perhaps it was time to put an end to this silly dream of warmth and hugs and security. I turned off the water and let reality descend on my body for a moment before reaching out for my towel. I wrapped the scratchy cloth around me tightly, once again wishing it were warm flesh and bones.
I closed my eyes, cool drops of salty tears gathering on my eyelashes as I pictured her smile. I could see the way her eyes nearly squinted with happiness, the way her cheeks lifted and dimples deepened. I could imagine her looking at me with her precious face, our pupils dancing together as we search each other’s souls, driven by nothing but pure curiosity and wonder. I tried to imagine her touch, how her fingertips might feel brushing against my arm as the distance between our bodies closed and her warmth began to penetrate all the way to my heart.
No, I reminded myself. It’s nothing but a silly dream. I looked in the mirror and felt relief when the tears blurred my vision, sparing me the pain of facing myself. I went straight to my small bed and curled up in the towel, soaking my pillow with damp hair and wet eyes while my heart wondered if forever is too long to wait. The dam broke and my shoulders began to shake, letting the flood lose on my poor pillow as it sighed and received the contents of my heart for the third time this week.
The last remaining rays of hope in my soul whispered maybe someday while my shattered, fragmented soul scattered the light until there was nothing left to see. Slowly, as usual, resignation and defeat consoled me and I dragged myself out of bed and let the comfort of routine carry me forward without any thought about the destination.
Mermaid Pirate Dispatch 
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