Mermaid Pirate Dispatch

Even with my eyes closed, they burned. My right leg ached and I tried to stretch it, but a sharp kick made me retract into myself, curling into a defensive ball. I peeled my eyes open in the midst of a churning, chaotic forest of people milling around. My head spun wildly and I felt dizzy.

I stiffly lifted myself into a sitting position and rubbed my crusty eyes, wiping them clean with dry palms. Everything was so bright. Everyone around me wore white clothing and every surface I could see seemed to glow with a pure white light.

Gradually I rose to my feet, the crowd crisscrossing behind and before me, making it difficult to focus on any one person or point. I stumbled, fighting the urge to believe the room had suddenly flipped upside down. I needed stability and calmness. Pushing my way into the throng I burrowed toward a wall, then followed it to the right until I reached a corner. I continued around the room until I found a doorway.

The doorway was… wrong. It was perfectly square and somehow managed to make me feel queasy. Passing through, I found a quieter room. The whole room had a cubic volume, each wall, floor, and ceiling a perfect square. A dull ache pressed on the back of my eyes. It was so bright. I blinked hard, soaking in the muted orange of the backs of my eyelids, soothing the sting on my dry, overstimulated eyes.

When I opened my eyes I jumped, my heart frozen. A bright pair of eyes smiled at me over a cute crinkled nose and tightly pursed lips. The young lady snickered intensely and began to laugh.

“Just arrived?” she asked.

I nodded, absorbing her pristine countenance and adorable dimples.

“What’s your number?” she asked, grabbing at my wrist.

“My number?” I repeated, dazed.

She turned my hand over in hers and touched my wrist. I looked down and saw that there was a bold glowing number there, softly illuminating the depths of my flesh. I could see my dark, blue blood vessels gently pulsing, woven around the characters which seemed like a flat sheet of glowing light embedded in the volume of my living cells.

I gasped and stared at the number breathlessly.

“Hm, 22,” she said casually. She turned over her own wrist. “I got 7.” She shrugged.

I gazed at her number, my mind racing with questions. “What does it mean?” I breathed.

“Don’t know,” she said flatly. “But I’ve seen people change their number.”

“Oh?” I asked, locking eyes with her.

Her brilliant green eyes searched mine mischievously, and she grinned. Drawing her arm back she swiftly slapped me across the face.

“Ow!” I cried, rubbing my burning cheek. My whole wrist glowed pink and orange as the number flared up inside me with a slowly fading intensity. I turned it over and inspected the new number. “154?” I asked. “What happened?”

She giggled and shrugged. “When you smack someone, you multiply their number by yours.” She showed me her 7, unchanged.

I feigned winding up to slap her back and she flinched, holding her hands out defensively.

“Wait!” she yelped. “If the numbers get too high…” She trailed off, relaxing and taking a relieved breath. “Whew,” she said, laughing nervously. “Thanks for not hitting me!”

I shook my head and chuckled. “Why is it OK to make my number go up but I can’t make yours go up?”

“Because now I’m going to show you how to lower your number.” She smiled seductively and stepped toward me.

I stumbled back a step, my eyes wide. She reached out and grabbed me by the shirt, lifting onto her tip toes and falling onto me until our lips were touching. I gasped in through my nostrils and melted into the kiss, her velvet lips brushing lightly with mine with an arousing and enchanting passion. When she finally dropped away I felt my wrist tingling with a pleasant warmth. I opened my eyes and saw that I was back down to 22.

“Performing a physical act of love divides the recipient’s number,” she said, blushing and tucking her soft brown hair behind an ear. Her eyes glanced down at our feet before locking angelically with mine.

My heart was racing and I felt winded. When I finally composed myself again I asked, “well can we just do it again to divide again?”

She smiled and raised her eyebrows. “We can try.” She moved in to kiss me again and I received her in my arms, preparing for another sweet kiss, but almost immediately a sharp pain exploded in my wrist.

I cried out and pulled away, grabbing my wrist and cursing.

“What happened?” she asked, genuine concern flooding her eyes.

I showed her my wrist. It was ablaze with a fiery red, throbbing to the beat of my increased heartrate. It still showed 22, and it obviously didn’t want to be divided by 7.

She stepped forward and touched my burning wrist gingerly with the tips of her fingers, softly caressing my pulsing skin. “I guess it needs to divide evenly,” she mused with sorrow.

I nodded, wincing. The pain was fading, but slowly. My mind was in a panic, viciously attacking the sensation that was shooting through my nervous system and invading my head. Somehow I needed to…

“Hey,” I whispered. “Why are big numbers bad?”

She grimaced. “I saw it happen once.” She shivered and clenched her jaw. “Let’s just… not, OK?” She looked away and folded her arms.

I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around her instinctively. She rested her weight comfortably against me and suddenly I understood. My heart jumped and I gasped.

“I know what to do.” I exclaimed.

“What? You do?” She looked into my eyes and furrowed her brow. “What are you going to do?”

My brain was already doing the math. “Um…” I said, crunching numbers and glancing around excitedly. “Just wait here, OK?”

She grabbed me by both hands and squeezed. “Wait,” she said, looking around at the swarms of people milling around. “What if you get lost?”

“I won’t,” I assured her, grinning confidently. “I know what I’m doing.”

She squinted at me, hesitating. Then, after a moment, she said, “OK, I trust you.” She leaned against the wall and watched as I disappeared into the crowd.

I really wasn’t interested in getting lost, so I kept the wall close while watching people move about. Most of them were staring at the number on their wrist. 92, 14, 27… I tried to think of other paths to my goal, but the easiest would be if I could find, or make a 2. At last I found a 44.

“You!” I yelled, grabbing the wrist carrying my magic number. My stomach churned. It was a guy, and we needed to do some division…

He stared at me, wide eyed and dumbfounded.

I winced. “Sorry,” I said, then I quickly pressed my face against his and gave him the best kiss I could muster for someone I wasn’t attracted to. He recoiled, pulling back. I also leaned back and we both looked down at his wrist. It was glowing brightly with a number 2.

“Hey!” he exclaimed, but he took in a sharp, sudden breath and stopped. “Oh,” he said slowly, looking up at me with wonder.

“Now do me,” I said, grimacing and closing my eyes. He hesitated, and just as I opened my eyes and began to speak again he shoved his lips onto mine and I felt a familiar warm glowing tingle in my wrist. When he pulled back, my wrist read 11.

I smiled. “Thanks.” Then I turned away and returned to the girl who was waiting for me against the wall.

“What are you doing?” she asked insistently.

I showed her my wrist.

“11? I don’t understand.”

“I need you to slap me,” I said, grinning.

Her eyes widened under a concerned brow. “What?”

“Please trust me,” I said. “Just give me a good, sharp slap.”

“Will you please tell me what you are doing?”

“I’m too excited,” I complained. “Come on, just slap me and I’ll come right back!”

She stared at me, her expression strained and tired.

“Please?” I begged. “I have a good feeling about…”

Suddenly she reeled back and sent her palm sailing across my face. It jolted me and left me stunned. When I finally glanced up at her in shock she was laughing. “Just hurry, OK?” she urged passionately. Then she glanced at my wrist. “And please be careful. 77 is a big number. If another big number slaps you… that could be the end.”

I smiled and took her hand in mine. “I’ll be careful. I really think I have this figured out,” I assured her.

This time I went along the wall back into the first room. Like the quieter room, it was a disconcerting cube. Keeping close to the edge of the room I scanned wrists until I found what I was looking for. An older lady was wandering nearby with a number 11 glowing weakly on her freckled wrist.

“Excuse me!” I called out, chasing after her. I reached out and put a hand on her bony shoulder.

She turned toward me angrily and scowled impatiently. “What do you want?” she demanded in a shrill, shaky voice.

I stared, stunned. I hadn’t anticipated resistance. “I… uh…”

“Well, get on with it!” she screeched.

“I need you to kiss me,” I stammered, a cold sweat bursting from pores all over my face and arms.

“Excuse me?” she cried, pulling back her arm to strike me.

I ducked and her swing connected with a nearby young woman with jet black hair. She looked down at her wrist in horror. What had been a 98 became 1,078. Her eyes bulged and she stared at the old woman, then looked pleadingly at me.

Thinking fast and unsure if it would work, I dove in to kiss her, grabbing her trembling face just as her whole body began to heat up, a fierce, turbulent glow radiating from deep in her core. I felt her lips burning mine at first as I pulled her in close and held her like a white hot coal. Soon her tight face relaxed and she began to cool down. I pulled away and checked her wrist.

“14!” she exclaimed gratefully. “Thank you!”

I took a deep breath and held it before forcefully expelling the air and wiping sweat from my forehead.

“Seriously!” the girl gushed. “I was a goner! How did you know 77 would go into 1,078?”

I chuckled shamefully. “I didn’t,” I admitted. “It was a lucky guess.” I laughed nervously and the girl let out a loud, pained guffaw.

“Well I’m really glad that worked!” Her whole torso bounced with laughter and she doubled over, tears streaming down her cheeks.

I looked around. The old woman was gone. I sighed and began scanning the room again, watching each wrist closely as it drifted by.

“What are you looking for?” the girl asked. “I want to help you.”

“I need an 11 to kiss me,” I said offhandedly, still searching.

“Someone who won’t attack you when you ask?” the girl chided with a smirk.

I winced and nodded. “Preferably,” I said.

“Wait here,” she said, disappearing into the sloshing mass of fleshy faces perched atop white garments.

Suddenly I understood what my lovely friend had felt. The feeling of hopelessness and abandonment was profound. I didn’t want to wait in this sea of constant movement and disorder. I wanted to be with a familiar face. I wanted to go back and find the girl with the incredible smile, the one who showed me the way out of this puzzling rat-race of numbers, pain, and confusion.

At last the girl with the 14 returned, dragging a new woman by the hand. “Found one!” she said. “And she’s willing to kiss you.”

“Wait here,” I said to the dark-haired young woman. Then I looked to the woman who was looking down at her 11.

She glanced up at me and shied away from my eyes. Shrugging, she stepped forward and gave me a quick, gentle kiss. I felt my wrist glowing and when she stepped back I saw that I now matched my friend with a 7. I smiled warmly and thanked the woman, who blushed and disappeared into the crowd.

“This had better work,” I breathed. Then I looked to the girl with the 14, and grinned. Stepping toward her I kissed her again, bringing her down to 2.

“What was that for?” she asked, laughing.

“Come with me,” I said. “I want you to meet someone.”

I took her by the hand and dragged her through the mass of people until we reached the wall, then along the wall until we passed into the next room. It didn’t take long to find him. He was still wandering aimlessly and confused right where I’d left him.

Grabbing his wrist and presenting her wrist to him, I waited. They both looked at me in confusion for a moment, then they looked at each other’s wrist for a beat before their eyes locked and widened with realization.

They stepped toward each other slowly, almost dreamily. “Wait!” I cried. They stopped and stared at me. I smiled. “Come with me.”

We formed a small train. I held the girl’s hand and she dragged the young man behind her. I searched along the wall, past the sea of people, knowing where she should be. My heart began racing. I couldn’t find her. Panic welled up inside me as we grew closer and closer to the wall. I knew the way. I knew where she should be. Why wasn’t she there?

My hands were sweating when we finally reached the wall. I looked up and down the length of it, but she was nowhere to be seen. My heart was pounding loudly in my chest. I felt beads of sweat forming on my brow and under my white shirt. I looked around frantically, whipping my eyes back and forth.

With a great rush of relief I spotted her, exactly where I had left her. I let out a long sigh. Somehow she had been hiding in plain sight. I felt stupid, but with the mounting excitement in my heart I knew I had to forgive myself for losing her in such a monotonous, featureless environment.

I dragged my train along the wall until my friend spotted us. She smiled and ran to meet me, throwing her arms around me.

“Took you long enough!” she cried. She nearly kissed me but I stopped her.

“Wait,” I coughed, hating myself for rejecting her kiss. I showed her my wrist.

She gasped. “You’re a 7 now too?” she breathed, full of amazement. Then her smile intensified and she seemed to understand.

I nodded to the 2s I had in tow.

“They both have a 2!” she cried, clapping with joy.

“Let’s do it all together,” I suggested, looking at the two I’d introduced. They nodded and I released them, turning to the girl with the wild eyes and delicious lips. I smiled, and we kissed each other just as the other couple did the same.

Intuitively, guided by our hearts, we didn’t give or receive a kiss, but we kissed. It was a gentle, slow, and loving kiss. It was a kiss that contained a lifetime of promises and apologies. It was full of passion and desire, heartache and longing. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the sun on my face. A brilliant light penetrated my eyelids and filled my vision with pure whiteness. I could feel nothing but my partner’s body against mine and her pure love washing over me.

I was floating, drifting through time and space. Our lips writhed sensually against each other as reality itself melted away. The brightness beyond my flesh faded and our closeness deepened until I felt my bare toes alight in a bed of cool, soft grass. I opened my eyes and gazed down at my beautiful angel. She smiled up at me and I marveled at the pure and perfect artistry of her form and countenance.

Looking around I heard birds singing, leaves rustling, and a babbling brook ambling by.

“It’s gorgeous,” she said, soaking in the view. “It’s a magnificent garden.”

A small family of rabbits hopped by and in the distance I spotted a herd of buffalo. Looking down at her again I saw that the white clothes were gone, but I thought nothing of it. My stomach growled and I looked around for food. Nearby there was a grove of trees with succulent fruit hanging from the branches.

“Are you hungry?” I asked.

She smiled. “Let’s eat.”

“What’s your name?” I asked, suddenly curious.

She took off running, laughing with her windswept hair flailing behind her. “What’s yours?” she called out over her shoulder.

I chuckled and ran after her. “Adam!” I cried.

[Reddit Post]