Mermaid Pirate Dispatch

I whipped a robe loudly, shaking out the wrinkles after pulling it from the wash basin and wringing it out. It was a lovely day out for laundry. A light breeze blew in from the south and the sun was rising slowly above the tree line, casting rippling, dancing shadows across my little clearing in the woods.

As I pinned the robe to a clothesline I had strung between the branches of my tree, I heard voices approaching. I could hear them clearly, though they were still a ways off.

“I was reading in one of the ancient tomes today about some truly incredible spells,” said a deep, gruff voice.

A younger voice replied, “Oh? What did you find?”

“Did you know there is a whole category of time manipulation spells that have been written about but never performed?”

“Woah,” the youth replied. “Really?”

“Yes,” the older voice replied solemnly. “The author wrote that the spells may have been performed many centuries earlier, before the days of writing. Knowledge of the spells was passed down through stories and legends.”

“Wow,” the younger voice replied, in awe. “That’s amazing! Will you be attempting those spells?”

The gruff voice spoke through a smile. “Oh I wish I could,” he said. “But I tried, and it is truly impossible.”

The youth sounded disappointed. “Aw, but you have a largest staff I’ve ever seen! How is it that you can’t cast the time spells?”

Just then they broke into the clearing and stopped. “Oh, pardon us,” said the taller one with the deep voice. “We were just passing through.”

“It’s fine,” I said. “Would you like some tea?” I gestured to a fire I had lit and a tea kettle I had suspended on a makeshift tripod over the fire.

“That would be lovely,” the youth said, sitting eagerly on a log I had near the fire.

I smiled. “It sounds like you were exchanging stories,” I said.

“Oh,” the older one laughed nervously, “not really. I was just telling my apprentice about some ancient spells I learned about recently. Unfortunately, they require magic far more powerful than my own.” He sat by the young man and stretched his legs.

I raised an eyebrow. “Really? That staff is quite impressive,” I admired. “I find it hard to believe there are any spells you can’t perform with ease!”

The man smiled bashfully. “Very kind, sir, but I’m afraid I am not all-powerful. These are spells that haven’t been performed in thousands of years, if they’ve ever been performed at all.”

“Fascinating,” I remarked. “And what stories do you have to tell young lad?” I turned to the boy and smiled.

“None yet, sir,” he said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his seed. “I just got my seed today. I haven’t even figured out where I’ll plant it yet.”

“Exciting!” I said gleefully. “I remember the day I got my seed as well. It’s such a marvelous feeling. You have the whole world before you and your first step is planting that seed!”

“Wow!” The boy exclaimed. “You’re a mage too? Where is your staff?” The boy looked around, then his eyes fell. “Or, maybe you just have a wand somewhere?”

I laughed. “No, sorry. I don’t have a wand and I don’t have a staff.”

The boy looked confused, and perhaps a bit disappointed. “Well, where did you plant your seed? Did you lose it?”

I smiled. “I planted my seed right here,” I said, gesturing back at the tree behind me. It was a magnificently wide tree, its trunk reaching high into the air, its branches spreading gracefully over the clearing. I had carved out a space inside and built a neat little wooden door to go in the opening. There was plenty of space inside for a bed, some books, and all of the tools and supplies I needed to live in the forest.

The man let out a hearty laugh. “I didn’t realize we would be entertained with such fantastic jokes!” he bellowed. The boy joined in, though a moment earlier he had been staring wide-eyed at my tree.

I looked at the man blankly. He slowly stopped laughing. “Tell me,” I said. “What were some of these impossible spells?”

He peered at me a moment, then said, “Well, there was a spell for stopping time, a spell for going back in time, a spell for wiping memories by sending a mind back in time, a spell for viewing a person’s future…” While he spoke I walked behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. His entire life expanded in my mind’s eye, a twisting, branching timeline of events past and future. I saw everything at once, all of the choices he’d made and the ones he’d yet make.

The man concluded listing the “impossible” spells and I said, “Now, what gift can I give a young mage just beginning his journey?” I mused. I looked at the boy. “What if I told you that nothing is impossible. What if I told you that most mages pluck their wand or staff from the dirt prematurely? What if I told you that patience was more important than skill?” I pointed at his teacher. “When I give him tea, he will remark that it smells very much like the tea his grandmother used to make, then he will take a sip, burn himself, and exclaim that it is far hotter than his grandmother’s tea. And if that is not enough, he will not finish his tea before deciding that it is time to go. But,” I warned the boy, “you must never tell him what you are about to see, understood?”

The boy’s eyes were wide with wonder as he shook his head vigorously, but the man’s eyes were glaring at me from under a furrowed brow. “Why would you fill the boy’s head with such nonsense?” He began, “you can’t possibly know my future, such things simply aren’t…” but his eyes glossed over and he stopped, staring off into space. Quickly he snapped out of it and began listing the impossible spells again.

When he finished I handed him his tea. “Oh wow,” the man said warmly, taking a long whiff of the brew. “This smells exactly like the tea my grandmother used to make!”

The boy inhaled sharply and his eyes snapped to me as large as dinner plates. I raised my eyebrows in warning and he looked back to the older man, who was just about to take a sip.

“Yeeeoooooow!” He cried. “This is far hotter than my grandmother liked her tea!”

The boy slapped his hands to his mouth in surprise. I put a finger to my lips and began to pour another cup of tea. The man managed to take a sip, but quickly stood up. “I think it’s time we move on,” he announced. The boy slowly got to his feet.

“Thank you,” the boy said, his voice full of awe.

“Don’t mention it,” I said with a sly grin.

[Reddit Post]