Mermaid Pirate Dispatch

John sat on his safe couch, sweating profusely. He looked around nervously at his safe television, his safe lamp, his safe kitchen. He knew the space so well, and it knew him. Here he could allow his mind to wander freely. He glanced at the door, then back to his phone. He hadn’t let Fear into his home in a long time. Fear was always peering in through the windows, scraping at the walls in windstorms, and pattering on his windows when it rained.

He looked at the door again. He allowed his eyes to linger there, imagining grabbing the door knob and turning it for no reason at all. It was absurd! No, he didn’t need to let Fear into his home today.

But what if… He thought of all the things he didn’t know about death and the afterlife. Was it possible that Becky would know he didn’t go? His mind wandered back to their days on the playground at school, the way she’d kissed him so unexpectedly. She always accepted him for who he was, yet she challenged him. When he was afraid to do something, she would take his hand and lead him forward. She was safe. Even when he had been terrified of all that could go wrong, her warm embrace had always calmed his mind and steadied his heart.

No, she wouldn’t want to see him this way. She would want him to be there for her and her family. John took a deep breath, held it, then let it explode from his lungs as he launched from the couch, his head spinning. He got tunnel vision as the lack of blood flow to his brain took its toll. He stumbled his way to the door and unlatched the security guard at the top. He turned the deadbolt and felt it click open. He twisted the lock on the door knob and held his breath. Fear lived outside. How long would it take to get Fear to leave again once inside?

He turned the knob and let the door swing into the house. A current rushed by and seemed to pull at him. John took a single, jarring step into the doorway and squinted against the harsh sunlight.

“So, you’ve decided to let me in,” came a snide voice.

John looked to the source and saw him leaning casually against the wall. Fear.

“It’s been a while, pal,” he said, shoving off the wall and rounding into the house, pushing past John.

John whipped around and watched in horror as Fear made himself comfortable. He sat on the safe couch, defiling it. He picked up the safe television remote, leaving his stain on everything he touched. John’s mind began to panic, his stomach churned and a cold sweat broke out all around his hairline.

He was feeling faint. He staggered back and nearly fell when the floor wasn’t where he expected it to be. Instead his foot landed on his porch, just outside his front door. His safe house slippers couldn’t save him now. His terror grew when Fear got up from the couch and made his way to the door. “Thanks, John,” he said. “It’s good to be back.” He slowly closed the door on John.

He watched his safe world turn to a sliver of colored light escaping between the door frame and the door, growing thinner and thinner in slow motion. Suddenly Becky’s warm smile washed over his mind, pushing out all other thoughts. He pictured the way she’d taken his hand before they made love for the first time, his heart pounding against his ribs like a mallet. She’d pulled his hand to her chest where he felt her own heart beat, so much more calm and peaceful than his own.

He watched his hand rise slowly as though reaching for her heart again, and his flat palm connected with the door, startling him.

“No,” he said, pushing the door back into his house.

Fear turned around, his eyes wide. “What?” he asked, one eye cocked and the other glaring.

“No.”

Fear smirked. “Don’t be silly John. We both know who’s in charge between the two of us. I own you.”

He felt lightheaded. His heart floated into his throat. He tried to swallow it down again with a gulp. “No.” He repeated, taking a step through the doorway.

Fear stepped back, a hint of concern on his face. “What are you doing John?”

“It’s Becky,” he said, trembling. His voice cracked as he stuttered, “she needs me.”

“Becky? I don’t think I know her.”

“That’s right, because she never paid any attention to you.” His voice wavered less and Fear took another step back.

“Well,” Fear said, his eyes darting around, “I don’t…”

But John cut him off. “Go,” he said, pointing back at the door.

“Excuse me?” Fear sneered, his face contorting into a mess of anger and confusion.

“Leave,” John asserted.

Fear laughed. “Even if you kick me out now, I’ll be waiting for you outside.”

John hesitated, his palms sweating. Finally, he softly said, “I know.”

Fear was getting aggressive now, anger boiling deep inside him. “And when you get in the car to go… wherever it is you’re going for this Becky person, I’ll be riding along with you, whispering in your ear, pricking at the back of your neck.”

“I know!” John said, more loudly.

“You can’t get rid of me,” Fear cried with rage. “I’m everywhere!”

“I KNOW!” John screamed. “But you are not allowed in here.”

They stared each other down for a moment, but soon Fear backed off and sulked slowly toward the door. In the doorway he turned to look John in the eye. “See you soon then,” he sighed.

John was still shaking as he locked, bolted, and secured the door again. But it wasn’t just terror that jittered his bones. He was excited. He could do it. He pulled out his phone, his hands trembling, and struggled to type out a reply to the invitation to Becky’s funeral. “I’ll be there,” he said.

[Reddit Post]