Mermaid Pirate Dispatch

Carrie twitched.

I held her gaze.

“It’s happening,” she said, wincing as another small convulsion seized her entire body. “I warned you back when we met, and now it’s happening.”

“What are you talking about?” My eyes narrowed. I tried to remember back to our first days dating. She had been so sweet. She had an innocence that bordered on naivete, and I always found it adorable. We had moved in together after just three months, and we were closing in on our one year anniversary. What had she warned me about a year ago? Was she allergic to something?

But now her left eye shuddered and her head cocked violently to one side. She got up from the couch and I stood with her, holding my arms out to catch her.

“Are you OK?” I asked. “Should I call an…”

“I’m fine,” she barked, her shoulder jumping almost into her ear.

I put a hand on her arm and she recoiled violently.

“No touching!” she squeaked, her neck extending as she threw her head back.

“Stop,” I said, “you’re scaring me. You’ll get whiplash or…”

“It’s…” she took a halting step, like a twitching chicken on the prowl for seeds. “It’s happening. You’re about to see my…” She took another step toward me. I stumbled back and fell back onto the couch. “My evil side.” Her chin dropped to her sternum and her long, blond hair poured over her shoulders like a waterfall. “My dark side,” she said. I got chills as her eyes rolled into the back of her head for a moment.

“I…” I stammered, “I think I should…” I tried to get to my feet, but she lunged at me, pinning me down on the couch, her thighs straddling my lap.

“No,” she said. “It’s too late. I’m evil now.”

I stared up at her. She wore a devious grin and leaned in close. Her hot breath swirled around my nose and eyes. She brought a hand to my face and grabbed me like a basketball, her dainty fingers trying to grasp at my forehead and cheek bones. Her other hand went to her own lips. I watched through her spread fingers as she licked and sucked on her other pinky finger and smiled.

“I think I’m going to have a lot more fun now,” she said, slipping her wet finger into my ear.

I pulled against her surprisingly efficient grip on my face and howled over the sound of her giggles. “What was that for?” I asked, but she pressed her palm into my lips.

“Shhh,” she whispered in my dry ear, twisting the wet one around. “Dark Carrie is here to stay.” She got up from my lap, tousled my hair, and sauntered away.

My chest was pounding and I felt short of breath. Something about this was exhilarating. Her hips swung seductively as she moved, prancing around the living room with a finger on her lower lip.

“Hmmm,” she mused, examining my PlayStation. She ejected the disc inside and dropped it on the carpet. “Oops,” she teased.

I furrowed my brow. “Is that it?” I asked. “Is that your evil side?”

She gasped her objection. “What do you mean? Of course this is my evil side.”

I smiled. “Really?” My tone was challenging.

She straightened her back and marched into the bedroom. I jumped to my feet and ran after her, holding back laughter. I watched as she opened my underwear drawer, picked up a neat stack of boxers, locked eyes with me, and dropped them on the floor.

I snorted and started to laugh.

“Ugh!” she growled, kicking the boxers at me.

“I’m going to go back to watch our show,” I said, shaking my head.

“Wait!” She rushed passed me into the living room, grabbed the remote, and turned off the television. “Ha!” she declared.

My belly started jiggling as laughter bubbled up from deep inside. I let out a guffaw and felt tears building in the corners of my eyes.

“Hey!” she pouted, clenching her jaw. “I tried to warn you…” Her words fizzled out.

I collapsed onto the couch, wiping my eyes and sighing, catching my breath. She threw herself across my lap, sprawling out on the couch to take up as much room as possible with her tiny frame. I patted her on the back. “Very evil,” I said, congratulating her. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with Dark Carrie. Do you think normal Carrie will ever come back?”

I couldn’t see her face but I could tell it had pulled back into a big smile, which she fought back. With as somber a tone as she could muster, she said, “I don’t know.”

“Well I’m in trouble then, aren’t I.” I smiled. She melted into the couch as I began rubbing her back.

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