Mermaid Pirate Dispatch

“Oh look,” mom groaned. “I thought they had rounded them all up around here, but I guess they missed one.” She hit the brakes and we came to a rough stop a few feet away from the meandering undead. He grunted and limped over to the car. His hands were curled up like he had a bad case of arthritis and he grunted while awkwardly slapping the back of one of his hands against the car door.

Mom didn’t even bother locking the doors. Once he was out from in front of the car, she drove off again.

We had all been vaccinated of course, but there were still a few stragglers from the two or three days of outbreak before the vaccine. I shrugged. “I hear it’s still a problem in some third world countries,” I offered.

She laughed, shaking her head. “Not that big of a problem,” she chuckled. “It’s comedic, really. You really do have to try to get infected.”

I shrugged and looked out the window, wondering what a real zombie apocalypse would feel like. I had seen movies and shows, and somehow the idea of really having to rough it out through a postapocalyptic landscape was appealing. But now that we’d seen what a true zombie outbreak was like… well it was anything but exciting or appealing. If anything, it was a political circus. And it had helped weed out some of the more unsavory members of society, or that’s what the adults liked to say anyway.

I looked over my shoulder at the idiot standing in the street. He looked like he might be trying to give chase, but we were a hundred times faster than him.

“I just wish they had canceled school for longer,” I groaned, pulling my heavy backpack in closer to my chest.

“Oh honey,” mom sighed. “No you don’t. An education is important. It’ll help you be successful in the future, unlike these necrophiliacs getting the virus.” She rolled her eyes.

“Necro what-iacs?” I asked.

Mom gasped and covered her mouth, glancing sideways at me. “I, um…”

“What does it mean?” I asked, staring at her. Her skin glistened and her cheeks were bright red.

She laughed nervously, the way she did when dad talked about doing the dishes with her after bedtime. “Well you remember when I told you that it was impossible for you to get the virus?”

And that’s how I learned what a necrophiliac is.

[Reddit Post]