Mermaid Pirate Dispatch

Today the princess would be unwell in her room, unwilling to entertain even her own parents. Princess Magnolia smiled and watched her gaggle of handmaidens from the shadows behind the bathhouse. Onlookers caught glimpses of the princess’s signature purple gown through the cohort of plainly dressed maidens that surrounded it, shuffling along the road like drunk geese in a tight formation. Of course Princess Magnolia had shed her gown in the bathhouse and snuck out the back dressed in armor, a full helmet hiding her face from the world.

She would worry that her parents would discover the decoy, but her father was always out on royal errands and her mother was busy running the kingdom. She felt that she hardly knew them except by their silhouettes at a distance. They were nothing more than a pair of shapes standing at the far end of the royal hall. Her father’s broad, boxy shoulders draped in a regal cape next to her mother’s gently flowing gown, both crowned heads watching her leave them to their important business. Over the years Princess Magnolia had grown bored of being ignored, and when one of her handmaidens had gushed over the mysterious Shadow Warriors and their recent victory against a hoard of bandits last year, it had lit the fire of adventure in the princess’s heart.

Once her clustered handmaidens were out of sight, Magnolia rushed along the dark, musky alleyways between buildings until she arrived at the secret entrance to the Shadow Warriors’ hideout. She used the pommel of her sword to rap on the door, expertly timing each sharp knock to indicate the password. After a moment, the inner beam holding the door in place ground lazily out of the way and the door swung inward. She slipped inside and the guard locked the door behind her, nodding at her in acknowledgement of the token on her belt.

The group never spoke. Their identities were all preciously guarded. Acceptance into the group was based on merit in battle. Magnolia had tracked them to a raid against an enemy camp, taken out several hidden archers in the trees, and the group had led her back to the hideout, showing her the secret password and giving her an emblem of membership. She wore the emblem proudly, looped through her belt.

Magnolia’s armored legs rattled softly as she descended the stony stairs into the damp underground hideout. An occasional wall-mounted torch sputtered and coughed by her helmet, the gentle heat radiating onto her nose and eyes through the slits in the faceplate. It was a musky, earthy place, with mossy stones set in moldy mud.

At the bottom of the stairs there was a short hallway that led to another locked door. Here two armed guards waited. The emblem on her belt and the familiar shape of her armor wasn’t enough. She halted before they signaled, drew a short knife from its sheath on her thigh, and held it by the blade, the handle pointed down at the floor. This was the visual password for entry to the main hall. The guards nodded and opened the door for her, it’s heavy latch clank echoing into the space beyond.

Inside the underground lair opened into a vast natural cave, with several tall columns where stalagmites and stalactites had grown so fond of each other as to kiss and become one. Other incomplete pairings were scattered throughout the cavern, some with torches lashed to their tips to provide a little light in the vast darkness. Their tunnel connected with the top of the cave and opened onto a wooden platform at the top of a sturdy winding staircase of the best rot-resistant wood available.

As Magnolia descended the stairs she saw the rest of the group gathered at a long table on a flat section of the stone floor. They were huddled over a map with several small daggers stuck into it, marking positions. She had yet to fully decode the silent system they used to communicate their plans, but she always loved watching the core members work around the map, moving daggers, sliding coins and other tokens around, and staring thoughtfully through their helmets, hoods, and masks. Nobody here had a face, only armor and cloaks.

The princess reached the stone floor and approached the table. A distant drop of water splashed into a pool and echoed quietly around them. A silver coin scraped along the parchment of the map as one of the planners slid it toward a wooden cube. Magnolia watched over their shoulders. One member of the planning group shook his head and plucked a small knife from his corner of the map. She knew this one to be a high ranking member of the Shadow Warriors. He was bulky and had a commanding presence. She figured he was the de facto leader based on strength alone. Merit wasn’t only the way into the group, it was the primary currency within the group. The better you fared in battle, the more influence you had within.

The leader stabbed his little knife into the map between the coin and the wooden cube, drawing a sudden gasp from a few of the other planners. The cube was in the middle of town on the map, with the castle nearby. Judging by the princess’s familiarity of the town’s layout, she wondered if the cube might represent their own hideout.

Just then they all turned to face the door at the top of the wooden stairs. There had been a distant, muffled crashing sound. The princess turned, her heart pounding as it often did before battle. Her ears strained to make out shuffling feet and clinking armor. Then all was silent but her thumping chest. One of the planners put a hand on his sword and Magnolia found that her own fingers had closed around her hilt as well.

A faraway voice cried out, “Halt!” and the clash of steel rang like church bells in fog. By now the group around the table had formed ranks and drawn their weapons. Scattered members of the group that had been roaming the cave took up archery positions behind pillars and stalagmites. When the scuffle behind the door faded back to silence, Magnolia could feel every muscle in the cave pulling tight.

The door’s latch clanked and a lithe, dark figure emerged at the top of the platform. The warrior wore no armor, only padded cloth as black as night with a dark hood that had a narrow slit for eyes. Two or three more black bodies appeared. They all wielded thin, straight blades, one in each hand. The first in, the smallest of the bunch, turned to look left and right before launching over the railing of the platform as though gravity were hardly a consideration. Magnolia marveled at the quickness of the figure’s movements as hands and feet danced along the scaffolding of the wooden structure until the dark warrior landed on all fours on the smooth stone floor of the cave. The others followed with swiftness, landing on formation with their leader. There were only five in total. The princess figured they outnumbered the invaders at least four to one, perhaps more.

She grinned behind her helmet. These fools didn’t know what they had gotten themselves into.

With alarming speed, the five intruders flowed toward the center of the cave like wisps of liquid smoke. The slender one at the head of the group launched into the air and doubled over, swinging the two swords in broad arcs that could have easily decapitated three or more of the Shadow Warriors. Magnolia launched her own blade into the path of the flying intruder’s nearest weapon while diving away from another of the attackers, twisting in the air and losing her footing. Her weapon collided with the other blade and a surprisingly painful shockwave was transferred into her hand and wrist just before she landed hard on her hip in a heap of heavy armor. She had landed on another of the group who had fallen to the ground, blood dripping onto the cave floor from between the chestplate and helmet.

Princess Magnolia wanted to scream but instead she rolled away and quickly got to her feet. The small battle had already moved to the other side of the table. Arrows zipped past her head, every one of them clattering against stone, never sinking into flesh. The group’s greatest warrior was somehow holding off two of the invaders with his broadsword, his feet and arms moving with fiery confidence to meet the onslaught of cuts and jabs. He kicked one away, leaving him locked in battle with the lithe leader of the armor-less intruders. Each blow from the leader of the Shadow Warriors was as powerful as thunder, and every movement from the small attacker was as sharp and electric as lightning.

The princess noted that most of the fighting around these two had ceased and all eyes were on the pair, which showed no signs of slowing down. They all watched as the smaller, lighter warrior lunged at the bulky, armored fighter and seemed to run up his chest, the padded feet kicking against thigh, chest, and face before hurling the two apart. The leader of the Shadow Warriors grunted and his helmet was knocked loose, turning to one side so far that he couldn’t see. He quickly unlatched the helmet and tossed it aside.

Magnolia gasped. Even in the poorly lit cave she instantly recognized the profile of her father’s face. His sharp nose and clean beard cut into the darkness ahead of a stern, tight jaw. His steely eyes peered narrowly, harshly at the attacker who had landed a few yards away in a low, wide stance, the two long blades crossed on the ground for stability. The black figure looked up at the king’s snarling face and swiftly stood, taking several stumbling steps back. Magnolia’s father began to charge but the attacker’s weapons clattered to the ground. Holding out one hand, the lithe leader of the invading force ripped off the hood and out spilled the queen’s golden hair.

The princess choked and her father halted.

“What are you doing?” he asked incredulously.

Without hesitation, the queen replied, “the same as you, I presume.”

Magnolia stepped forward and removed her own helmet, a wry grin on her face.

After a long, awkward silence, the three burst into laughter.

[Reddit Post]